Driden's HorrorScope

Horrorscopes updated 1st and 15th of each month.

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Aries
March 21-April 19

There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.
Libra
September 23-October 22

Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.

Taurus
April 20-May 20

Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21

Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.

Gemini
May 21-June 21

Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21

There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.

Cancer
June 22-July 22

The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19

You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.

Leo
July 23-August 22

Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.
Aquarius
January 20-February 18

There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?

Virgo
August 23-September 22

You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.
Pisces
February 19-March 20

Why are you running? You're just going to trip and fall, then get caught anyway.

Did this Horrorscope seem too short? Well, there's a reason for it. You're not going to be around long enough for a long one. According to the Horrorscope Horoscope, today you will meet a man with a bloody axe. He will hack you up into teeny tiny pieces. It will be very painful.

Have yourself a wonderful day.

Aries March 21-April 19 There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.		Libra September 23-October 22 Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.

Taurus April 20-May 20 Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.		Scorpio October 23-November 21 Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.

Gemini May 21-June 21 Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.		Sagittarius November 22-December 21 There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.

Cancer June 22-July 22 The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.		Capricorn December 22-January 19 You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.

Leo July 23-August 22 Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.		Aquarius January 20-February 18 There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?

Virgo August 23-September 22 You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.		Pisces February 19-March 20 Why are you running? You're just going to trip and fall, then get caught anyway.