Driden's HorrorScope

Horrorscopes updated 1st and 15th of each month.

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Aries
March 21-April 19

There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?
Libra
September 23-October 22

Why are you running? You're just going to trip and fall, then get caught anyway.

Taurus
April 20-May 20

There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21

Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.

Gemini
May 21-June 21

You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21

Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.

Cancer
June 22-July 22

Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19

Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.

Leo
July 23-August 22

You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.
Aquarius
January 20-February 18

The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.

Virgo
August 23-September 22

There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.
Pisces
February 19-March 20

Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.

Did this Horrorscope seem too short? Well, there's a reason for it. You're not going to be around long enough for a long one. According to the Horrorscope Horoscope, today you will meet a man with a bloody axe. He will hack you up into teeny tiny pieces. It will be very painful.

Have yourself a wonderful day.

Aries March 21-April 19 There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?		Libra September 23-October 22 Why are you running? You're just going to trip and fall, then get caught anyway.

Taurus April 20-May 20 There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.		Scorpio October 23-November 21 Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.

Gemini May 21-June 21 You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.		Sagittarius November 22-December 21 Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.

Cancer June 22-July 22 Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.		Capricorn December 22-January 19 Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.

Leo July 23-August 22 You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.		Aquarius January 20-February 18 The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.

Virgo August 23-September 22 There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.		Pisces February 19-March 20 Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.