Today is April 25

Horrorscopes updated 1st and 15th of each month.


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Aries
March 21-April 19

Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.
 
Libra
September 23-October 22

There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?
 
Taurus
April 20-May 20

You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.
 
Scorpio
October 23-November 21

The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.
 
Gemini
May 21-June 21

 
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21

You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.
 
Cancer
June 22-July 22

Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.
 
Capricorn
December 22-January 19

There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.
 
Leo
July 23-August 22

There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.
 
Aquarius
January 20-February 18

Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.
 
Virgo
August 23-September 22

Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.
 
Pisces
February 19-March 20

Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.
 

Did this Horrorscope seem too short? Well, there's a reason for it. You're not going to be around long enough for a long one. According to the Horrorscope Horoscope, today you will meet a man with a bloody axe. He will hack you up into teeny tiny pieces. It will be very painful.

Have yourself a wonderful day.

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