Horrorscopes updated 1st and 15th of each month.


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Aries March 21-April 19 Running into the woods when weird things happen is not advisable.		Libra September 23-October 22 There's a killer in the house. You know there's a killer in the house. You are outside of the house. Sure, it's safe to go back inside for the gun to protect yourself. I'm in your will, right?
Taurus April 20-May 20 You're still a virgin. Don't worry. You're safe ... you what? With who?! You're a goner.		Scorpio October 23-November 21 The lights will go out later tonight. It's not a power failure.
Gemini May 21-June 21		Sagittarius November 22-December 21 You may feel like calling the police today. Don't bother. They won't show up until after you've already taken care of the situation.
Cancer June 22-July 22 Oh yes, it's a scary situation. Definetly, split up. You'll cover more ground quicker that way.		Capricorn December 22-January 19 There's a strange sound outside. Make sure when you go to investigate, you're wearing your most flimsy of underwear.
Leo July 23-August 22 There will be a dangerous situation. Be sure to run upstairs instead of downstairs so you can get out.		Aquarius January 20-February 18 Someone is going to try and kill you today. Don't grab a gun and shoot them. It will only make them madder.
Virgo August 23-September 22 Some teenagers got brutally killed at the lake last summer. Nobody ever found who did it. Your friends want to go to the lake for the weekend. You're going? You're an idiot.		Pisces February 19-March 20 Forget trying to sneak around. Floor boards will creak, and doors will squeak all day for you.

Did this Horrorscope seem too short? Well, there's a reason for it. You're not going to be around long enough for a long one. According to the Horrorscope Horoscope, today you will meet a man with a bloody axe. He will hack you up into teeny tiny pieces. It will be very painful.

Have yourself a wonderful day.