The End Is Near

Since the beginning of time, civilizations and religions have predicted the end of the world, the end of time, the end of days. Be this in the form of Armageddon, Ragnarok, Apocalypse, Doomsday, the end is coming! The fact is, the Church of Driden also has a story of the end. It is the tale of Epoxylips - the tale of Gluemouth.

And lo, as I did sit, and sleep, to me was brought the end and the end was bought unto me. The Epoxylips led by Gluemouth, and Gluemouth would lead what came after.

Sorry, I'll translate to plain English.

One day, I was sitting on the couch, flipping through the TV channels, and I fell asleep. In that sleep, I dreamed. In that dream, I was granted a vision of the beginning, and the end.

In the beginning, the almighty being saw the earth sitting there in the vastness of space doing nothing. He was bored, so he took the earth and gave it a spin as if it were a top. The people upon the earth became dizzy from the spinning, and thus ill. Illness spread across the earth. This was the first sign of the Epoxylips.

As the earth spun, the almighty being said, "Dude, watch this." He took rocks and hurled them at the earth. The rocks hit the earth, changing its spin. The rocks knocked the earth around, and left great destruction upon it. Rocks falling from the heavens and crashing into the earth. This was the second sign of the Epoxylips.

As the earth's spin wobbled from the rocks hitting it, the earth shifted. North became center, then up became down. Those traveling by compass direction who were heading North found themselves heading South. Confusion swept across the earth. This was the third sign of the Epoxylips.

During this time, a man was born. The man would travel the earth to say, "The almighty is spinning us! The almighty is throwing rocks at us! The almighty is flipping us upside down! I know why, and how to survive!" Most told the man to shut up. Others told him to shut the hell up. A very few listened to him. As most told him to be silent, he was known as Gluemouth. His coming was the fourth sign of the Epoxylips.

As the earth's spin slowed down, and the earth wobbled off its axis, it soon came to a stop. All of those that did not listen to the warning of Gluemouth were flung into the vastness of space. They screamed and yelled, "Why have you done this to us oh lord!" And the almighty being said, "Dude, don't harsh my gig. I'm just having fun. Maybe you should have listened and prepared for it, that dude down there told you what was gonna happen. It's not my fault." And the earth was stopped, and the end of times was here. Only Gluemouth and his followers were left upon the earth. The almighty being began a new spin of the earth, as the old day was over, and a new day was beginning.

So there's the COD's book of Revelations. There's the end of days. There's the Epoxylips. Now that you know... what are you going to do about it? Look, the world is going to end. This is a fact. Be it tomorrow, December 12, 2012, or centuries from now - it's going to happen. The world may end on 12/21/2012, or on 2065 we may be hearing somebody yelling to head to the tops of mountains because the end is near - as was being yelled in 1965. Nobody knows when it's going to happen.

There's a chance that it will happen because of a natural event. If that's the case, listen to the scientists. Hear what they say is happening, and use the knowledge to prepare. There's a chance it could happen due to some mad man taking power, and launching wars that will destroy us all. I've always said that politicians are all greedy and evil. As long as they are in charge, we're at their mercy. Fact is, if one gets elected, in this country or another, there's not much we can really do about it. The best thing you can do is sit down, put your head between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye.

It's going to happen. Dwelling on it will do no good. The best thing to do is to prepare for it, but don't dwell on it. It's kind of like preparing for your job to go away tomorrow. Some say to have three months of salary put away, others say six. The fact is, you should always be prepared for the worst. However, dwelling on it is bad. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy today. Prepare for the possible horror of the future, but not to the point that you can't enjoy today, those around you today, what you're doing today. The end will come sooner than you think, whether it's the end of the world or the end of your youth. The end of your job, or the end of your life. The end of time, or the end of your lunch break. The end will come. Prepare for it. And then enjoy now while it's here. Dwelling on the horror of the future will just make you suffer it today.

And remember - every ending leads to a new beginning. We don't know what "the end" will bring. It could bring the greatest world we could ever dream of living in. Even if that's true though, enjoy the world you have now. This world's not really that bad if you give it a chance.

Prepare for tomorrow. Enjoy today. The end is coming.

Only years, months, and days left until 12/12/2012, the possible Epoxylips

The End (I told you it was coming)

Back To The Church of Driden
The Ten Commandments of Driden
The One True Evil
One Man's Trash...
I Think Therefore I Am
The Gospel According to Vlad
The End Is Near

The Church of Driden Credentials

Donate to The Church of Driden at Please make payments to

This site © Driden Enterprises, Barry Calbreath Owner